Hollywood has officially reached the point where it’s remaking movies that were already considered bad the first time around — and somehow expecting that to be the punchline.
The new “Anaconda” is a self-aware reboot of the 1997 cult disaster flick starring Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube, a movie remembered less for scares and more for its unintentionally hilarious dialogue and that unforgettable fake snake. This time, the studio leans fully into the idea that Anaconda is a joke… but oddly enough, forgets to actually make it funny.
Directed by Tommy Gormican (The Incredible Weight of Massive Talent), the film stars Jack Black and Paul Rudd as middle-aged friends who travel to Brazil to reboot the Anaconda franchise themselves — only to end up facing a real killer snake. On paper, it’s a clever, high-concept idea: a movie about people making a bad movie, while being chased by the very monster they’re trying to recreate.
In reality? The concept does most of the work, while the execution barely slithers along.
Paul Rudd plays Griff, a washed-up actor stuck doing forgettable TV roles, while Jack Black’s Doug is a loud, overly ambitious videographer still dreaming of Hollywood success. The two reunite with old friends — including Thandiwe Newton as a former love interest — hoping to recapture their creative spark. Unfortunately, the movie never convinces us that these characters have chemistry, history, or even much reason to be together beyond the script needing them to be.
The biggest missed opportunity is Jack Black, who feels oddly restrained. This is an actor who thrives in chaotic, sarcastic, over-the-top roles — and yet the film never lets him fully unleash. The idea of Black riffing on the absurdity of the original Anaconda should be comedy gold, but the movie plays things far too safe.
Instead of committing to parody, the film awkwardly tries to function as a real horror movie too. That’s where things really fall apart. The snake attacks lack tension, the CGI feels weightless, and the PG-13 rating drains any sense of danger. Characters who should logically be snake food survive without much explanation, making the stakes feel nonexistent.
To justify the action, the movie introduces an unnecessary subplot involving illegal gold mining in the Amazon, complete with generic villains and a tough-talking guide played by Daniela Melchior. It’s meant to add edge, but instead it bogs the story down and feels wildly out of place — like a rejected plot from another movie stitched in at the last minute.
What’s most frustrating is how rarely the film actually mocks the original Anaconda. Aside from a quick joke about Jon Voight’s infamous accent, the movie treats the 1997 version with surprising respect. For a reboot built entirely on irony, it refuses to really bite the hand that feeds it.
The comedy that does exist leans heavily on slapstick — wild animals, physical gags, and loud reactions — rather than sharp writing or clever commentary. There’s none of the savage Hollywood satire that made films like Tropic Thunder work, and none of the loving DIY chaos of Be Kind Rewind, which this movie clearly wants to resemble.
By the end, “Anaconda” feels like a movie stuck between ideas: too self-aware to be scary, too cautious to be truly funny, and too nostalgic to fully roast its own existence. The biggest joke may be the film’s premise itself — not because it’s clever, but because it reminds us how far studios will go to recycle even the most questionable IP.
In the end, this snake has no venom. And for a movie about a killer anaconda, that’s the biggest disappointment of all. 🐍🎬
